Fans of James Jarmusch’s breakthrough 1984 film “Stranger than Paradise” (1) will recognize Aunt Lotte’s (Cecilia Stark’s) line, uttered as she bests in a game of cards her nephews Eddie and Billy visiting her in Cleveland from NYC. As she triumphantly fans her cards over her tray in her living room, she announces frankly “I am da vinner!”.
Since none of you (well, maybe one) made it out to the Wind and James Event Center in Schoolcraft Thursday night to catch the 10th Annual Tournament of Writers Celebration (2), I can announce to you here as news that “I am da vinner!”. Well, not the whole shebang, but Honorable Mention in the non-fiction Senior Division (51+). As Kathy assures me, I can now call myself an “Award-winning-writer”. Rest assured, the charges on this blog will not be going up.
The Tournament invites writers of all ages from the tri-county area (Kalamazoo, St. Joseph, and Calhoun) (2). After a few years of lobbying Syd Bartos, diminutive director of the whole affair, she let me enter provided I assure her I write something about Vicksburg. Upwards of a hundred enter each year, splits by category (fiction, non-fiction, poetry) and age (8th grade or less, 9th grade through age 25, 26-50, and 51 up). I had plenty I could write about from my ‘burg years, so I was in.
It’s an efficient operation. Entries, with strict guidelines, open February 1st and close end of month. Six local writers, including editor-in-chief of The South County News, Kathy Oswalt-Forsyth, serve as coaches to entrants who want one, and then as judges. Top winners are announced live on Facebook April 1st. All entries, not just winners, go into a paperback book published on Amazon (3) that’s ready to order April 8th, when the ceremony is still over a week away. Now up to 365 pages!

In the run up to that date, I wondered even about the wisdom of going. Ms Bastos originally had wanted me to judge, but then forgot about that. Fortunately, my little writing amie and VHS classmate Sandy Northrop Jones asked me to sit next to her at the signing ceremony and who could pass that up? Authors sit at a long table and pass their books – basically their “participation trophies” – back and forth till we’ve all signed each other’s. I thought Sandy had to pull some strings, but then I saw our cards “Bob Ike” and “Sandy Jones”. Our fate was not in the stars, but the alphabet.
As Syd was kicking off the ceremony, she announced how it had been opened to outsiders from as far away as Ann Arbor. I didn’t hear any hisses, and felt relieved. Then she began to announce awards for honorable mention, which hadn’t been included in any of the preliminaries. And who’s among them, but yours truly! Well, I walked a little lighter the rest of the night. Each entrant gets a copy of all the judges’ comments. I haven’t read mine yet but Syd said she gave it to a couple of old guys who got a real kick out of it.
I’ll try not to spoil it with too much intro. Let’s just say it’s about me and 3 classmates/buddies making a movie back in the day. They removed all pictures from all submissions for inclusion in the book. I’ve restored mine here.
Spielberg ’70? By Bob Ike
4 ‘Burg Boys Go to the Moon, 8mm Style
Honorable Mention – Nonfiction Senior Division
My VHS class of ’70 experienced some pretty momentous events, especially in our final 2 years. Sure, you can be drawn to the sad and bad, like the assassinations, the riots, the Vietnam war, and the car-train crash that killed our classmates Ike and Pat (1), but we soared with the Tigers’ first World Series championship in 23 years, all that great music, and those space exploits: first that (Apollo 8) swing around the moon over Christmas ’68, then the actual moon landing of Apollo 11 in July the next year. Perhaps the greatest achievement of mankind, uniting the world in awe of America’s exploration achievement. So, of course, it begged for a snarky response by some local smart-assed teenagers. Eric, Shorty, and I set out to make our version of the whole escapade, and film it. I had a little hand-me-down 8mm Bell & Howell movie camera I’d already used to capture classroom antics. Whatever imagination I lacked Eric and Shorty had in spades and we were off. Diminutive Ross joined us from time to time. The movie is up on my YouTube channel (2), but unfortunately a click on it comes up “This video has been removed for violating YouTube’s Community Guidelines”. I‘ll work with them on that, but in the meantime all you’ll know about this little movie will come from my descriptions.
The two living actors can’t recall whose idea it was to start or when we started. What we shot was dictated by climate, and some of the shooting was inside. Rather than give you a blow by blow of our shooting schedule, I offer sequences as they appeared on the movie. Was there a plot? Same as Apollo 11. Man shoots to moon. Complications ensue. Man lands on moon. Man plays on moon. Man returns to earth. Adulation erupts.
Here’s about how the movie proceeded. Mimicking the great directors, I didn’t shoot in order. We grabbed scenes according to weather, availability of props, impulsive ideas, whether the parents were home, and so forth. But I present here the scenes as they unfolded in the movie.
Intro. Nearly all movies have an intro to get you keyed up for the flick to come. Sometimes, the intro is better than the actual movie. We didn’t have access to a roaring lion, and a barking bulldog didn’t seem right. So, we went for our first special effect. I trained my camera on a very full toilet bowl, then flushed, filming till all was clear. We spliced the film of that scene in backwards, so when it played, well you know what you’d see. Unfortunately, the media guy who digitized the movie lost that film footage, but not before it got into the DVD. So, the effect is not absent from the current digital version, just the original in a can.
Titles. For those times when text was needed, we had my green chalkboard. I’ve forgotten who did the “artwork”. After the initial titles, the three main players show their goofy faces. Note how magnanimous we were, crediting “Everyone and his moon”.
Lift off. Astronauts Neil and Buzz, dressed in their pale blue striped flight suits (from the Vicksburg Fire Department, courtesy of Eric’s volunteer fireman dad, Sheldon) toast to take a last taste, enter “capsule” (a garage can; special effect!). Then cut to hoisting a Cutty Sark bottle off an array of Schlitz beer cans to the ceiling from Ross’s whitey-tidy clad butt. Blast it off!
The space environment en route to the moon, using that weirdly exposed film, and from my ceiling, that swinging fishing reel kinda looked like a satellite.
Mission control had a crisis! Frantic communications for mission control were fielded by me in front of a radio array, in the dark, headphones on wearing my dad’s 5th Army t-sergeant’s shirt, gesticulating wildly, and drinking. I presume the issue was eventually resolved.
The astronauts did land on the moon (again, Ross’s butt). Ross became part of the crew as they sought to relieve themselves on a classical floor to ceiling urinal (a poster). After such a long trip, what would you want to do? It was winter and Barton Lake was frozen, making our lunar surface. By tossing a twirling garbage can lid – in slow motion – off my roof we sought to mimic landing, if the astronauts were traveling in a flying saucer. My dad’s shout “what are you kids doing up there?” may have been the only adult supervision we’d had though the whole process. Shorty, as the first astronaut out, got to test Barton Lake’s ice, i.e. the lunar surface, by breaking through the ice! After came the descent to the moon’s surface (a ladder to Barton Lake ice). Neil’s (Eric’s) descent was complicated by a fall off the ladder over to the thin ice, thus altering the famous phrase to “That’s a small step for man, but a helluva fall for me!”. Buzz (Shorty) got down o.k., but still broke through some of the thin ice, to which they later took axes, sampling the lunar surface. The intrepid astronauts then conducted their solar wind experiment, flying a kite on the ice over Barton Lake, before boarding for home.
Re-entry started with another special effect, filming the ground rushing by as out an open car door as we drove the back roads. The astronauts emerge with their capsule (a garbage can with a makeshift parachute attached) tumbling through the sky in slow motion. Once alit on the Barton Lake fields playground, Neil and Buzz work to unpack. Most of their cargo seems to be empty beer cans. We’d scoured the roadsides for those empties for several days. There was no bottle law in those days, so our yield was rich. Note that I somehow had died on the mission, as my body was pulled out and draped with a makeshift shroud, beer can on a stick anointing my head.
All that remains is a triumphant return ceremony. With the astronauts in Joe Shook’s flatbed, the drive into the high school elicited magnificent adulation. Who knows what the teachers were thinking. As a final gesture, several of the participants lined up and mooned the school. Then, a 747 flew by overhead. Fin.
The movie has stood the test of time, even without a soundtrack. No one around the ‘burg even knew we were doing such a thing. Not our peers, not our teachers, not our parents, nobody. Meredith Clark didn’t send his daughter Sue over to photograph us for the Commercial. Yet, the movie remains a topic of conversation at every VHS ’70 gathering, sometimes even being shown to the curious. At Shorty’s funeral in 2004, we made it a point to find a place in the basement of Rupert-Durham funeral home to set up a projector and screen to see the movie, in part so we could see the vital Shorty we all knew but also to enjoy his ever-irreverent spirit which permeated everything he did. Several years ago, I had the 8mm film digitized, so now the film is immortal, or at least as long as those pixels last on the disc. This opens the chance for easy editing, which I’ve resisted. How can I improve on something we had so right – given the limitations – over 50 years ago? As I’ve said, it’s a silent flick without even a soundtrack. I did come across a song – a minor hit from ’65 – that would have been perfect to play over the closing credits, if we had any (2). See if the singer looks like anyone from the ‘burg you might have known back then. There’s that social media accessibility. I already have a YouTube channel, and while the movie is up there, click on it and you’ll get “Violates Community Guidelines”. Apparently, there’s an appeals process. Will work on that. Trust that I have not yet monetized. The movie’s also accessible on my GoogeDrive (3)
But not every audience is right for this movie. My dear wife rose to become NASA’s chief scientist for 4 years at the turn of the century, and still has some ties to the space program. Several times I offered her the chance to show “Apollo’s Ass” to her flock. A humorous, brief respite, I thought. Never any takers, alas. I have made her sit through it a few times, so she knows what’s involved. Her latest was when Eric and I viewed it again in the presence of our Kathy mates. Hard to say who won, the producer/director’s hooting and clapping or the women’s eye rolling. The girls did cut us some slack knowing the product they were viewing came from some adolescent smart asses.
Neither Eric nor I have sought or achieved a career in Hollywood, choosing instead the mundane professions of banking and medicine. Steven Spielberg (Saratoga (CA) High, ’65) is a month short of being six years older than Eric, and a few months after that for me. He got started making movies at age 12, even earning a Boy Scout merit badge for an 8 mm work. He made 15-20 adventure films in high school, plus he went to the movies a lot, something Eric and I never did. So, maybe the analogy is weak. But neither of us can quell the thought that forever burns in our souls, as expressed by Marlon Brando’s character in “On the Waterfront”: “I coulda been a contendah!”.
So, if you go to YouTube and watch those few (17) minutes of adolescent nonsense there, get yourself a chuckle and know some boys from the ‘burg did it way back when.
If you’re wondering like the boys looked like, here ya go:

Maybe you had to be there, but I don’t think so. Just as we couldn’t forget how we felt at the moon landing, can we ever forget our viewing of “Apollo’s Ass?”. Timeless art from the ‘burg.

References (entry)
- Ike R. The Accident. Amazon (Kindle) 2021. 2nd edition published 3/10/23. Available at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B095BS8VRJ
- NEW* Everyone’s Gone To The Moon – Jonathon King {stereo}. Smurftools Oldies Music Time Machine. YouTube. https:/youtu.be/5pfnKQNRXYM?si=y_yka4XM8dQrn4_
3. Ike R, Durham E, Skippers M. Apollo’s Ass the Movie. Posted by RW Ike 2/5/24. Available at http://tinyurl.com/ApollosAss
References (blog)
- Rotten Tomatoes. Stranger than Paradise. https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/stranger_than_paradise
2. Vicksburg Cultural Arts Center. Tournament of Writers. https://vicksburgarts.com/tournament-of-writers
3. Vicksburg Cultural Center. Small Town Anthology X: Southwest Michigan’s Tournament of Writers 2024. https://www.amazon.com/Small-Town-Anthology-Southwest-Tournament/dp/B0D14MP9C4/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38XE497R5HW7L&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.OJH1wB8rrR5CtPW6Vf8ujEgEzGsDD9w6MwxFZJJuIQ-lS5Vxu-wv7NzAIT1T13kXkNkXxOnCIjeuV4LaMe_-BAEIT7WC-BFhUkT4eyGrQ2v__yPOFEiIG_BswuL5er6TWudXnREC2bEWmZo1v-nRBsOUkAnpbwbZj0g7_MoFDBR6R4AZT-g2gR5eGajT_VjcvFeSDD15DtDn0j9iVwxpMsgPfpAoaVFph9MitgY_pY0.q8RtdjFe62WM4JaisPw8lychXiAxdMmEcV3BFInpOQM&dib_tag=se&keywords=small+town+anthology+X&qid=1713527075&sprefix=small+town+anthology+x%2Caps%2C130&sr=8-1
4. Ike B. Speilberg ’70? 4 ‘burg boys go to the moon, 8 mm style. In: Vicksburg Cultural Center. Small Town Anthology X: Southwest Michigan’s Tournament of Writers 2024 pp 77-81




















