device

My dentist no longer uses laughing gas, but none was needed on my visit to his office this morning.   I was there to get a new crown to replace one I’d lost.  The tedium of the injections and grinding with pauses to let the former take effect to make the latter tolerable began to get interrupted when Doc commented on his observations of the bed for the new crown.  Realize that conversations at the dentist’s are stilted, with something always done when the patient opens up his briefly freed mouth.

Doc: You probably lost this crown quite a while ago, as the remaining tooth protrudes more than it did when we did the last crown.  It’s had time to grow a little.

(pause)

Me:  I really don’t know when it happened.  I’m not in the habit of panning my stool for gold.  Whenever it did happen, my net worth dropped that day.

Doc: You needed a metal detector

(pause)

Me: A new essential bathroom appliance!

(pause)

Me:  Maybe it can be paired with a bidet to give a combination device

By then, all were thinking we were on to something, till Doc spoke up

Doc:  Bob, I don’t think you’d have a very big market for your device

Me: We just need the right celebrity spokesman

The group discussed who that might be as my mouth was full again

Me:  It’s clear to me.  Hire one of the two best known posteriors in show biz: Kim Kardashian or Jennifer Lopez

(pause)

Me: My good friend Ken at UCSD is Kim’s cousin.

So, Kim became the obvious choice.  She couldn’t find the gig beneath her dignity and with her jewelry collection and eating habits, she’d obviously had at least one experience where such a device would have helped her out.

Assistant: you could call it the “Gold Digger”

We all agreed that was apt for Kim also.

Doc:  So, who will be the go between on this?

Me:   Ken, like all my friends, likes my wife Kathy better than me.  Plus, he has lots of Hollywood connections and managed her in her attempt to break into the movies in the 90s.  (I threw in some details of how that went down)

So woman to woman and all that.

With the tedium of prep work completed, Doc proceeded with the more intense task of seeding the crown, and the conversations petered out.

But after Doc made his final remarks to me and was waving bye, I told him “You know, my best friend from childhood is a patent attorney.  I’ll be sure to include you on the discussions.”

As I paid for the visit, I hoped that our new product would make a killing.